To all the young ladies who have been violated by mates, employers, teachers, superiors at work and people higher up the economic ladder in your communities, know that you can be helped if you report it. For the many young ladies and gentlemen who are suffering same this day in silence, your unwillingness to confront those who commit these acts embolden and empower them to continue: You today, someone weaker and more vulnerable or more gullible tomorrow.
Permit me to be base and state it as it is: Whether some creep is fondling your breasts at work, touching your bum, groping you each time you are called to their office or coercing you to attend hotels and private residences with them, know that you don't have to live with this.
Report them at work and home; report them to the police and seek redress in a court of law. You will not eat stones if you don't let them have their way.
You too are somebody's valued child and someone's respected present or future spouse.
Our collective failure to confront those who abuse any of us makes them bolder. It is never too late to stop what's wrong.
And now.., to my article....#civics #commonsense #manners #etiquette #hrbkkd #hisroyalblackness
Everyone deserves a right to their personal space. We make contact with others by choice, not by coercion nor intimidation. Wherever it is done by the latter, people have the right to pull away, fight back or seek redress in court.
As part of civics and etiquette it behoves parents and teachers to let the young irrespective of culture, colour and creed know right from wrong, and boundaries in life's common situations.
"Reach out and touch somebody's hand; make this world a better place" no you can't. That is unless they invite you to touch them or are in dire need of a helping hand.
A brief, firm handshake is the TOUCH of choice that must suffice for everyone in the workplace and most social circles.
Anything more, and one is cruising for a bruising at a work tribunal or in a court of competent jurisdiction.
For family and true friends, a warm hug or kiss on the cheek is in order. The long embrace and kisses in the moonlight are best reserved for the one true love one has else what's the difference between the cognoscenti and the great unwashed.
... Just because someone opens their arms wide does not mean the young, innocent or naive should hug them. Open arms and a come hither smile does not convert the ill-intentioned from the devious old fox in Little Red Riding Hood into a soft and cuddly teddy bear.
My father taught me to meet open arms with a polite, warm and firm handshake, if the are not trusted friends or family: A smile in the face and a knife in the back oft occurs during an embrace.
Over-familiarity with people one does not really know is a sign of weakness, trying too hard and sometimes inferiority and desperation; in fact it is a brand pillar of the lower classes if such still exists at all.
One shall learn about or be introduced to another prior to a handshake. Thereafter conversation helps decipher the probable future touchable from the definitely undesirable, unconscionable and untouchable.
Good manners inform society that maintaining the handshake for an entire month in the least after meeting in person is minimum requirement for getting to know people.
Pretense may ensue but well-peeled eyes shall see the concealed flaws and look no further than a firm handshake, saving both parties unnecessary gate-crashing and misappropriation of personal space before a swift parting of ways.
Good touch signals welcome, civility, respect.
For family and close friends it signals warmth, delight, love.
Bad touch conveys disrespect, denigration, lust, plunder, abuse.
The young and old, the properly dressed and even the nearly unclothed must maintain clear boundaries and a sensible distance to avoid bad touch at all costs.
Wise parents have advised their young for years; No touch for strangers. Unless they are properly introduced by known and trusted persons, avoid touching them as you would the plague. No touch for fleeting acquaintances, not even at festive occasions. Exceptions are made for public greetings at funerals and the select few gatherings of academia, industry and sporting activities. Still, if touching in plain sight casts a doubt, you will do well to leave it out.
In the case of family and good friends, no touch can be disconcerting as it is a sign of discontent and neglect. At best it says 'leave me be' or signals a need for conversation to fix an existing problem.
No touch is, however, less worrisome than excessive touching: Those invasive glides of the hand on arms as he/she laughs at some unfunny joke, that uncomfortable knee-holding as they attempt to illustrate a point or shift in their seat, what with the face-feeling as they compliment your skin, and invasive thigh-cruising as they pretend to be speaking about something of interest.
Letting these pass unchallenged and unstopped can be akin to signaling to the world that nearly everyone is a bosom friend and potential candidate for dancing beneath the sheets.
On the one hand one suggestive song goes 'Tempted to touch' and on the other Law Enforcement and Health & Safety say
'Hazard. Keep off.'
The wind may carry what people say
And the ears hear truth as well as hearsay
The eyes may see what people do
And the nose smell well what's wafting through
but Touch is oft deliberate and intimate.
And in the same manner as it leads to tickles of fancy and passion,
it also leads to harassment, grievous bodily harm, caution or prison.
So unless he/she deliberately invited you to
Think twice before you touch their waist.
Unless you are dating him/her too
Don't reach for their bum in playful haste.
Spend some quality time to woo
before you close in on their personal space.
Check your manners before you brush against a thigh
Of one who momentarily catches your eye.
Touch is personal and sensitive;
Its use ought to be restrictive.
So keep your invitations to be touched clear and limited. And keep your touch uncommon lest you become common;
for in this nouveau monde, it can lead you to be seriously trampled upon or become an ex-con.
By Kwasi Kyei Darkwah (13 June 2014 at 08:32 via his Facebook notes)